She was staring at the sea. She was really looking at it. How green the sea was. How the little wavy swirls and half-hearted splashes made when the water hit the jetty’s legs. How the waves moved in the same rhythmic motion. Up and down. Up and down.
Her mind and soul felt the same, as calm as the sea waters. There was nothing going on in her mind; it was clear as the blue sky above.
What contrasted her vision of the sea were the colourful fishes below. A school of tiny fish invaded the topmost part of the sea and just below them were the larger ones, waiting for the bread rolls she held in her hands. She literally rolled the tiny bread pieces she tore off so that the bread would sink and the bigger fishes could get to eat them as well.
She was not alone on that jetty. There were tons of others who waited with her. For that one ride back. Back into the city again.
As that thought drifted into her mind, she was seized by an instant anxiety in her chests. It stroked her like electric veins spreading out from the middle. She clutched her chests tightly, letting the remaining bread free fall from her hands and into the sea. The fishes went frantic with delight as they savaged their meal. Her mind had reeled like the fishes’ motion blur. She did not want to go back yet. She did not want to go back forever. She wanted to stay and live life in peace. She wanted to forget the life she led in the city. She wanted to forget everything and lived in that island, where the sea always welcomed her and the fishes looking forward to the bread crumbs. She wanted to stay. She wanted to stay.
The bread soon disappeared. The fishes here were always hungry.
The sea was back to its calm stage. Up and down. Up and down.
The anxiety passed as fast as it came. Her mind came to a stop and mimicked the ocean’s calm. That was just the problem with her. Any horrid feeling she felt, any pain that would seemed to overcome her would just pass and be gone as fast as she could exhaled her breath. And then, all was well again. Her heart would harden like steel. Her mind would forget her worries. And her legs would stand.
She always wondered when the emotions would finally take over her. When she would finally broke down and gave in. When the container she kept locked would burst open and consumed her. When she would finally be dragged into a hole, dug by her own hands.
At that moment though, she stood and walked towards the boat that came for them. She would return to the sea one day. One day when everything was settled in the city and when everything had turned out right, she would return.
Wait for me, she said to the sea, turned and never looked back.